New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
