OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
