butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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