Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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