you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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