Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
