You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
