ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
