Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
