Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
