You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
only you would photoshop your dick
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
