Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just invented taco cereal.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize