im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize