i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
