What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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