my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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