Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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