wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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