I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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