I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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