watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
