How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
