It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize