I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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