k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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