dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize