So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
