shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize