okay pat passed out under dana's car
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
