Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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