just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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