Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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