I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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