Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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