Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
