Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize