i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
