You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
