He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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