I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
