in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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