Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
