I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's shark week go big or go home
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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