drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
