I think i sorta joined a cult last night
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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