we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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