well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
