I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
