ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
50% drunk capacity currently
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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