yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
