don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
