***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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