I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
