I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
