Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
