Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
