do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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