i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
