your parents love me but you hate me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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