Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
