you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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