After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
