i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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