so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
