so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
