im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
