I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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