Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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