I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
