I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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