can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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