Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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