she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
