I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
