Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
