I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
